Mirror mirror on the wall

Sometimes mirrors can be bad for you.

They make you waste time picking on stuff that don't need to be picked.




So earlier today, I sat in front of the mirror, wanting to pick on something that's been bugging me.

So I did.

And after I was done picking...

GAH!

I found out that 2 HOURS had passed.

See what I mean?

Something old, Something new, Something borrowed, Something blue.

Yes, I'm talking about a wedding. Yes, I was getting married.
Everything was beautiful.
Huge crowd. All just waiting for the ceremony to begin.
In a white flowing gown, I was in the room restless, nervous, worried. A roller coaster of crazy emotions.
The door flew open, and they came in with news I dreaded to hear...
"He's not coming..."
There wasn't going to be a wedding.
Reality began to set it: I was left at the altar.
The room started spinning, I needed to sit, I felt sick to my stomach, a tear rolled down my left cheek...

And then I woke up on my bed. Not in a gown. Oh, and late for class.


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Yea I know, what a crazy dream.
But speaking of getting left at the altar, and I know it happens, I'm thinking, who would do that to someone? That's probably the worst kind of break up in history. Can you even begin to imagine being left standing without a groom/bride at your own wedding? What do you do with all the preparations? What do you tell the people who came? How do you get through something so awful? Like I asked, how could anyone be so heartless? I mean, if you don't want to marry that person, grow a pair and tell them as soon as you realize it, more importantly, way before the wedding.


Just to be clear, it was really just a dream. I'm not getting married, or anything like that. Far from it. Very far from it. Very very far.

I think I've been watching too many movies. Dang.

Why a doctor?

I want to save lives.
It's been my life-long dream.
Money, money, money.

Some of the common replies to the question, "Why do you want to be a doctor?" I've been asked this question countless times and my standard answer is simply, "I don't know." Coz you see,

1. It's never been my dream. Honestly, if I had a choice, I'd dance for a living. But since this is Malaysia and there probably isn't much of a future in the business, I had to set my goals elsewhere.


2. I'm not a big fan of hospitals. Having been to hospitals more times than I would like, naturally it isn't somewhere I'd want to spend my life working at.


3. Save lives? Come on. If this is the only reason you want to be a doctor, then you're in for a lot of disappointments. Coz you can't cure all, nor can you save all.


4. And $$$? Who are you kidding, doctor's aren't exactly billionaires. (If you're in private practice, that's a different story) Think about the workload, you'll realize doctors don't get paid that much.

5. Med school. And of course, the workload. Need I say more?



This list can go on forever, but let's come back to the point...

Most people live without having to think about whether skipping lunch means they'll be passed out on the floor hours later, whether they'll someday go blind, whether that pain means there's something wrong with their kidneys, whether they'll lose a limb, whether they'll live to see their grand kids (or kids, for that matter).

Most people my age are having the time of their lives, doing crazy stuff, going places, trying new things, meeting people, exploring the world, you know, injecting as much fun into their lives as they can.

Live in the moment, forget about tomorrow. That's something I don't think I can do. Coz unlike most people, I can't afford to take anything for granted. God knows, I constantly try not to. And I especially can't take my life for granted. Coz at the end of the day, I want to know that I've done something worthwhile, and found some meaning to this crazy ride called life. I don't have forever. (corny but yea...)

While there are other aspects of my life I could focus on, they also come with too many uncertainties, a chance that I don't get what I want. And as of now, there's been enough disappointments to last me a while. So it might be best to just let nature take it's course and instead, focus on something I'd have more control over, something a little more certain.

So, all the late nights, the thousands you spend on books, the stress that makes you want to jump off a building, the years spent with a nonexistent social life, will be worth it in the end. Knowing that you've made a difference in someone else's life, whether it's big or small, is achievement enough.

Plus, they keep reminding us that patients are people, coz a lot of doctors tend to treat patients as mere diseases. I say hey, who'd understand a patient better than a patient him/herself? Haha.




It's not everyday that you feel like you've hit rock bottom, the lowest of all lows, like you've lost all hope. But while you do, it's nice to know you've still got a reason to climb back up.
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I know this turned out to be a sappy entry. But at least this blog is no longer constipated! :P