my penis

:D

nah, i didn't go for a sex change operation.
and no, i didn't buy myself a dildo either.

:P



today, i drew a penis. (it's a cross section, but still...PENIS!)
i've seen pictures of it in my medical books la, very detailed pictures. (the ones in PMR books aren't counted, that was nothing..pfft)
but studying a picture, and drawing a picture are two verrry different things hahaha.
drawing it out was just.....weird. *raises an eyebrow*


but i drew a relatively nice penis. i like my penis.
so i was showing my 'artwork' to all my friends... and it was pretty weird going around saying
"look at my penis! look at my penis!"
i mean, how often do i get to say that hahaha.





anywayz, while comparing each others' penises (lol i like the sound of that)
i noticed my friend drawing a relatively huge one
so...


me: eh, how come your penis so big one?
him: hah?
me: you see mine, you see hers *points at my other friend*... yours so big.
her: yalah, you drew so big.
him: aiyaaa! because i am MAN! i should know how BIG, how LONG to draw ma...
her: ohhhhh... i know! yours is very excited one!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

the question.

"what happened between you guys?"


i haven't been asked this question for quite some time.
half a year ago was a different story, i keep getting bombarded with the question, wherever i go. the question that i tried to avoid, the question that i had no answer to.


today, someone decides to ask me the question.


again, i felt that familiar funny feeling in my stomach, like i was gonna throw up; that familiar heavy feeling in my heart, like all the life was sucked out from my body; the familiar sharp feeling around my nose and eyes, i know what to expect.





"what happened between you guys?"


i don't have the answer to that.
i searched, but never found it.
many times i thought i finally have the answer, but the question never fails to come back to haunt me.
till today, i found no answer.





"what happened between you guys?"


i asked myself a million times, i asked him, i asked God, i asked everyone.
who else do i ask?




"what happened between you guys?"


I DON'T FUCKIN' KNOW, DAMMIT!
I DON'T KNOW!!!

people in love.

why do i have to be surrounded by couples in love?


here's the thing, my roommate just got into a relationship like 2 days ago. yea and the guy's from our campus too. so of course, soon i'll i get to 'feast' my eyes with sights i do not wish to see.

my other roommate is also in a relationship. it just started too, not long ago. and yes, the guy's from our campus too. oh this is the guy i mentioned in my previous entry (v-day).

one of my closest girl-friends here is also with a guy from campus, who happens to be my good friend too. which means.......... i'm stuck with the two of them most of the time, being a lamp-post, shining ever so brightly. half the time wishing i was blind so that i don't have to see them running their hands on each other, or necking in the middle of kb mall, or nibbling on each other's ears, or...well, you get the picture. the other half of the time i wish i was deaf so i don't have to listen to her talking bout everything he says or does, bout everything I don't have.





i don't have anything against people in love.
and i'm not being selfish, i am happy for you guys, i really am.

but it's not my fault that part of me still gets all bitter,
it's not my fault that i feel the need to get away from you,
it's not my fault that i don't get excited over your excitement,
it's not my fault that i hate seeing you guys kiss,
it's not my fault that i don't give a damn bout the guys you keep suggesting to me,
it's not my fault if i cry, it's not my fault that i haven't healed.


why am i lost in a circle of people in love?

V-day

i helped a friend.

a guy friend.

helped him book flight tickets online.

TWO flight tickets.

it's for the 14th of february. next year.

yes, Valentine's Day.

he actually PLANNED a surprise 'date' for his girlfriend (which happens to be my roommate).

so they're going for a holiday.

it's TWO months away, and he got everything carefully planned already?

O-M-G.

*speechless*

O-M-F-G.

*still. very. speechless.*

wow. i mean.......just.......wow.







well i've never had an actual valentine's DATE before.
i'd either be single, or miles away from my baby/darling/sayang/okay-fine-'my significant other'... (i can forget about the next Feb 14th too hahaha)
not like i've ever expected anything like this, but the thought of what this guy is doing for his girlfriend..just leaves me speechless (and maybe a piercing feeling too =P)...
of course she doesn't have a clue about what's going on, but everytime i look at her i feel like telling her how so very extremely lucky she is.

again, all i can say is "wow..."

let's play tag!

okay since i'm rotting here this weekend, i'm gonna (finally) do this!
i'm not gonna tag anyone coz well, i'm not expecting the whole world to be reading my blog =P
okay okay, so here goes...


1.The last person to tag you is?
> Jacklyn, my only follower. hahahaha.

2.Your relationship with him/her?
> friends, ex-schoolmates, ex-tuitionmate, ex-collegue and maybe singing-mate too.

3.Your 5 impression towards him/her?
> CRRRRRAZY about singing, really nice, easy to talk to, a camwhore hahaha, errr what else....small? hehehehe. just kidding.

4. The most memorable thing that he/she has ever done for you?
> transformed me from a person with singing-phobia, to a singing-addict. in other words, she made me thick-skinned!

5. The most memorable words that he/she has say to you?
> words?... how am i supposed to remember?

6. If he/she becomes your lover, you will...
> know that i'm crazy. no offence but i'm atrracted to men haha.

7. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will...
> turn her into my friend again? lol.

8. If he/she becomes your lover, he/she has to improve on...
> her GENDER! :D

9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason is...
> gosh...

10. The most desirable thing to do for him/her is...
> why do your questions seem..er..wrong?

11. Overall impression towards him/her is...
> cili padi!

12. How do you think the people around you will feel about you?
> some think i'm arrogant, some think i'm a bimbo (hahaha this is totally new to me), some think i'm quiet and shy, some think i'm crazy and loud, some think i'm transparent, some get all confused and think they know nuts about me, but most people like me (hahahaha...perasan).

13. The character for you for yourself is?
> heh???

14. On contrary, the character you hate of yourself is?
> the person with a block.

15. The most ideal person you want to be is?
> the person with less insecurities? (okay the tone is getting really serious now)

16. For the person who cares and likes you, say something about them.
> how am i supposed to know if they care/like me?

17. Bra or panties?
> i'd say panties are important, but i'm crazy about bras!

18. Chocolate or ice-cream?
> :D :D both please.



i've been tagged by shalz too, maybe i'll do that later tonight. hehe.

i'm not moving..

THE MAN WHO CAN'T BE MOVED

Going back to the corner where i first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag i'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand
Saying "if you see this girl can you tell her where I am"

Some try to hand me money they don't understand
I'm not broke, i'm just a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do
How can i move on when i'm still in love with you...

Coz if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth i can be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street

So i'm not moving... I'm not moving

Policeman says "son you can't stay here"
I said there's someone i'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go

People talk about the guy who's waiting on a girl
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world
and maybe i'll get famous as man who can't be moved
And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news
And you'll come running to the corner
Coz you'll know it's just for you

I'm the man who can't be moved
I'm the man who can't be moved



okay i know i'm not a MAN la. i'm a girl.
but still, this is almost like something taken straight out of my diary.

tangkap basah

what do you do if you accidentally walked into a room where two of your friends are... erm... 'busy' getting some action?



not like it's a private place or anything. it's a quiet place where we go to STUDY. these horny couple are obviously misusing (and not to mention contaminating) my study area.


so, back to my question... do you close the door and pretend you saw nothing, or apologize then leave, or just freak out? haha. here's what i did:


said "helo" and walked in. closed the door behind me. picked a spot right in front of them. took my books and notes out. all the while keeping a straight face despite having a clear view of the two. =)


sorry people, next time just get a damn room hahaha.

STOP!

STOP bugging the hell outta me!


when i NEVER say yes each time you ask, it means i do NOT wanna go out out with you. stop thinking that i'm 'just busy with exams'.


when i turn my body 175 DEGREES away from you everytime you're talking (about nothing but yourself, most of the time), it means i'm NOT INTERESTED. not coz i'm shy.


when i won't stand anywhere within a metre's radius from you, it means i'm not comfortable around you. STOP MOVING CLOSER when i keep running away from you. stop thinking i'm just nervous around you.


when i hide in the ladies everytime i see you walking my way, it means i do NOT wanna bump into you. not coz i'm busy fixing myself in front of the mirror just to meet you. do not wait outside and conveniently go "hi shanti, what a surprise".


when i keep telling you i already have plans for lunch/dinner, it means i do not wanna go with you. stop going "oh where you guys going, i don't mind joining, i'm free". i do NOT CARE if you're free.


and stop going around telling the whole world about us, coz there is absolutely NOTHING going on between us. are you fucking delusional?!!! i'm tired of having to tell them i'm not interested in you!


when i tell you that i already like someone, I DO NOT MEAN YOU DAMMIT! stop getting over-motivated for no reason. it is NOT you.


stop giving me your stuff. i do not want to have anything to do with them!


do not follow me around. read my OBVIOUS body language (i am trying HARD to make it as freakin obvious as i can), stop assuming i want you around me 24/7.







DAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH i can go on forever!
i'm not usually so mean, but pardon me mister, you are getting on my very last nerve.

so please STOP.

nothing

someone once wrote:

"if u truly love a person, would u break their hearts n find flaws in them that u will resolve by breaking up with them?"







i'd love to say "look who's talking"
but then again, maybe THIS is the answer to MY question.

boobies!

Dr. CB points at me and goes
"...she's breasty, it will be difficult to palpate."



*my eyes widen*
WTH?????
did she say breasty?


(she was talking about palpating the ribs, since we were learning how to perform the ECG test on each other)


WTH?????! i've never considered myself breasty before. in fact there are times when i feel i'm 'underdeveloped'. gosh. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.





on another note, i personally think that breasts are weird looking 'things'. yes, they usually look damn good in a nice bra (in case you don't know, i have an obsession for lingerie), but bare breasts just look plain weird! don't you agree?

doctor dimples?

in case you didn't know, i have a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge thing for dimples.

okay this entry isn't about dimples. wait, maybe it is. okay, no. fine, it is. then again...
HELP.



i saw. i noticed.
but was i being noticed as well?
i think i was. it was quite obvious.

gosh those dimples.

exchanged a few words.
which became more and more.
at every chance he got.

gosh that smile.

"shanti this... shanti that..." with that smile... (and did i mention dimples?)

was he flirting with me?
no... can't be.
then again, maybe he was.

if other people started noticing it, it should be quite obvious right?

and those glances.
haha. he was, wasn't he?

gosh. *faints*



_________________________
by the way, there's this patient who wouldn't stop bugging me. AND asked for my number. wth?

and omg that KFC guy who talked to me a few times (and for some weird reason reminds me of him) asked for my number too. in a really really nice way, but still...wth?

and the guy from the makan-shop actually wanted to belanja me. flattering, but...wth?



^^ it's been a crazy crazy weekend ^^

pastime

i was a pastime.





thanks a lot.

Slow Dance

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask
How are you?
Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,"Hi"
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.



written by a cancer patient.

hit close to home. makes so much sense to me.

why rush it?
can't we just slowly enjoy and savour each beautiful magical moment?
wouldn't that be better than rushing through everything, yet be left unsatisfied?

back.

just got back here today.



same airport.
same roads.
same kampung houses.
same campus.
same hostel room.
same people, same everybody!

nothing special, nothing different, nothing new.

where's that one thing i'm looking for?



i realize that i am not someone to be remembered.
that i don't matter.
insignificant.

it's a reflex!

being unusually rajin for once, i was reading through the practical notes before class.

...........................................................................................
Task: Practise testing these reflexes on each other, note the subject's response.

TOPIC: REFLEXES

(A) DEEP REFLEXES

the usual ones la, like the knee reflex, ankle jerk..bla bla bla. just get the tendon hammer and start hammering the fella.

(B) SUPERFICIAL REFLEXES

1. CORNEAL REFLEX
> Touch the lateral cornea with a wisp of cotton wool.

okay basically just poking the fella's eye. i can do that.

2. BLINK REFLEX
> With the subject looking forward, bring an object quickly towards the eye from the front.

i can just go pee-ka-BOOOOHHHH!!!

3. CILIOSPINAL REFLEX
> Pinch the skin on the side of the neck.

how's the fella's response suppose to be? i could only imagine getting punched in the face. seriously.

4. SUPERFICIAL ABDOMINAL REFLEX
> Stroke the abdominal wall lightly. Four quadrants of the abdomen are tested separately.

*eyes widen* ahaa... the fella better have a six-pack. *laughs* well...for me to...urm...identify the four quadrants? (whatever hell that is)

5. CREMASTER REFLEX
> Stroke the skin of the upper medial part of the thigh.

WHADDAHELLLLL?????!!!!!! *re-reads notes* i'm suppose to WHAT??? now i am definitely NOT interested in causing THAT kinda response!
...........................................................................................

walked into the lab.

stared at the examination bed beside my table.
(tempted to just lay there and sleep)

looked around at others.

and ONE question remained... WHICH 'lucky' fella is it gonna be???

answered prayers

things were tough. i hoped and prayed for circumstances to change.


surprisingly, circumstances did change eventually. almost the way i wanted.


but what's the point now? when someone decided to murder everything.


the extremely rare times when prayers get answered, my answered prayers are wasted.



maybe it's bad timing, i don't know.

questions

should i have taken the offer from the National University of Singapore instead?

would it have turned out better if i were to be in Singapore instead of Kelantan?

should i be regretting coming here?

is this how it's supposed to be, or is it a mistake?

...

aku yang lemah tanpamu
aku yang rentan karena
cinta yang telah hilang darimu
yang mampu menyanjungku

selama mata terbuka
sampai jantung tak berdetak
selama itu pun aku mampu untuk mengenangmu

darimu, kutemukan hidupku
bagiku, kau lah cinta sejati




[part of 'Kenangan Terindah' by Samsons]

don't ask. it's one of those days.
:-S

i love you?

been reading, at last. =)

not coz i've more free time now, just feel like throwing everything else aside and indulging in a book. so i did. =)



















i've only read less than half of it and daaaaamn, this book is scarily relatable. not like i have a dead husband or anything (choi...), but for some strange reason i could just relate to it... shed a few tears...



(no, i do not normally cry that easily. the only book that made me sob my eyes out was A Walk To Remember. now THAT was terribly freakily extremely so very relatable. hit waaaay too close to home.)




anywayz, i don't know how the later part would turn out. less tears i suppose. haha.







ps: i love you ??...

=)

=)

i didn't fail my first exam.

=) =) =)

i know it's no big deal coz my results weren't anywhere near awesome.

but honestly, i was prepared to get a big FFFFFAT F considering how UNprepared i was for the exams, plus the fact that i came from a physics background...

but i didn't. =)

and comparing my results with the others who spent 5 times more hours studying, sleeping 2 hours a day for a whole month, who seemed like they were aiming for 100%... it wasn't that huge of a difference. tahahahahahaha. =)

maybe i'll survive medic after all.

=) =) =) weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

flew back and turned insomniac

tossing and turning on my bed for over an hour.

mosquitoes attacking me.

i don't miss this bed.

i can't sleep.

>>> ONE (=P)

for the first time in six years, i flew.

for the first time in twenty years, i flew alone.

hahaha.

gorgeous eh?

not the best i've seen, but this is the one i took. hehe.

(these strangely beautiful flying machines, i could just stare at them for hours, fascinated.)

so i was in LCCT (still don't know what it stands for), for the first time. it was crazy. the people there... they were like, well, ANTS!!! see i've been to a coupla airports before, they never were that packed! gosh.

+ being there for the first time

+ not knowing what to do or where to go

+ being kinda late

+ my empty stomach

+ nerves (flying alone for the first time ma)

+ ants rushing from every corner

+ wanting to shit (seriously)

= me feeling ever so terribly lost (NOT good)

anywayz, my luggage exceeded the weight limit by 4kg. which means i was supposed to pay and extra RM40. cracking my head wondering what i'm supposed to remove. end up just taking out my book (yes, ONE book), and ready to pay for the rest of the extra weight, coz i couldn't take anything else out. but when i went back, tadaaaa, it was below 15kg!!!

what i'm trying to say is, i didn't know my book was THAT heavy! LOL. no wonder i feel myself getting shorter and shorter each time i carry my books to class. thanks to you, Keith Moore.

here's our 'favourite' book:

but aaaaaanyways, i found my way la. on time. plus, the flight was delayed.

what i hated :
THE SEATS!!! so sempit!!! and it was like 90 degrees!!! yes the seats were adjustable, but still... i think a bus would've been more comfortable than that airbus. sigh.

THE ENGLISH!!! seriously la, it was terrible. I felt embarrassed. they really need to do something bout that.

what i loved :

FLYING!!! always loved it ever since i was a lil girl, almost forgot what it feels like. =) =) =)

CLOUDS!!! the whole view from up there was simply beautiful la. =)

my smile disappeared when they announced that we were about to land though.

i didn't wanna land.

i don't miss this place.

>>> TWO (=P =P)

guess what, i started jogging!!! (first time today, and let's pray i don't stop haha.)

never thought i would. i've never been a running kinda person. sit ups, push ups, squats, whatever, i'd probably survive. but when it comes to running, i'd be dead within the first 5 minutes.

as expected, today was an absolute embarrassment. my chest was hurting like hell! i thought i was gonna die! seriously, that was the only thought i had the whole time.

(it's my first day, be nice, forgive me.)

that was till i finished the whole round. after that it was time for sit ups and all. and it felt goooood. =)

time: 0301 hours

haiz...i'm still not sleepy.

home

home isn't home.

supposed to feel good. comfortable. warm and nice. safe. well basically everything good.

i'm home. but home brings back too many memories. home brings back the pain i want to ignore. home makes me feel the sting even more. home is complete, yet feels incomplete. home brings back rows of tears. home brings back the feelings i thought i could supress.

i don't know if i like being home. i don't know anymore.








being there in kb doesn't help either.

God has weird plans for me.

...

what i need in my life right now more than anything:



support.



moral support, emotional support, whatever. i need the support that i don't think i'm getting. the support that i used to have to get me through tough times.



family - miles away from me
bestfriends - away from me too
person i used to be able to turn to - acts like we're strangers
God - if only He could talk to me back
new friends - well it's just not the same




medic is tough shit. and i thought there's nothing worst than STPM. o_O

why am i here again?

what do you look for?

we know there some things we need and want in life.

we look for it. search everywhere we could.

but at times you just realize you don't even know exactly what you're looking for. you want to feel complete. you go around blindly groping in the dark hoping to miracalously find that thing you're looking for. maybe you wouldn't, but maybe you would.

but how do you know if you've found it? how do you know if you haven't? how do you know if it's something you missed? how do you know if it's something you had all along? how do you know if you weren't meant to find it at all?

sometimes you feel you've found it, and suddenly it's gone. and you start asking yourself if that's what you're looking for. maybe it wasn't. but perhaps it really was. perhaps.

if it feels right, shouldn't it be right? if it's right, shouldn't it be yours?

6 signs shanti is losing her mind:

1. i feel restless. i can't sit still. my mouth wouldn't stop mumbling.

2. i spent 3 hours staring at one page of notes and still couldn't understand a thing.

3. i've been hungry. like really hungry. the whole day. but i ate tonns of food. *glances at emtpy packets of biscuits*

4. i feel like going for a jog outside. it's 8:06pm by the way. *looks outside*

5. i've been ripping off my hair. *stares at hair in the dustbin*

6. i've been listening to the same cd countless times. more than 10 times i'm sure.







i hate exams i hate exams i hate exams i hate exams i hate exams i hate exams

pointless.

if it's worth having, it's worth the pain.

someone told me this today.

kinda got me thinking. there is some truth in what he said.

i guess we're just too afraid of pain. too busy trying to run away from it.




- okay this is a pointless entry. just something that got me thinking much, but not typing much.

hope.

~the worst thing you could ever lose is hope~

i read that somewhere. a couple of years ago. back in college.

but then again, i don't get it. why do we hope?

is it supposed to be some form of motivation?
not really. that's desire, want, need, etcetera etcetera.. but not hope.

is it supposed to be some sort of consolation?
perhaps. something to make you believe that things will and can be better (well it is usually positive, right?). something to look forward to.

whether you like it or not, i guess in one way or another, hope becomes something you believe in. i mean, when you hope, you believe. even when there aren't any proof or evidence or whatever, you still believe. just because you hope.

(am i making sense?)

what happens when things turn out the opposite way?
you hope it will eventually change.

what happens when everything just shows that things will never be the way you want them to be?
you hope you're wrong.

what happens when there is no hope?
you hope for a miracle.

what happens when your hope goes down the drain?
you still hope!

why? why? why?

we just can't live without hoping, can we? no matter how many times you fall, you'd still have some hope, or at least hope there's hope. no matter how little.

and you fall again. and you slowly stand up and build hope again, or people around you start giving you hope. then you fall. again. and start hoping it doesn't happen again. but guess what, it does.

foolish, aren't we?

wouldn't it be easier if we don't hope? having no expectations. never having to risk being disappointed. how do we do that? how do we stop being a fool?











the worst thing you could ever lose is hope???
i say the worst thing you could never lose is hope.


i don't see a chance. i don't see a ray of hope. i see only darkness.
why am i still standing here hoping?

funny :)

it's funny how people can act like complete angels in front of you,
but when you're not looking, they step all over you and spit on you.

it's funny how they act like they care,
but actually treat you like shit without you even realizing.

it's funny how they make you think you're someone,
but put you so low you can't find yourself.

it's funny how terribly they hate you,
but pretend like everything is great.

it's funny how they can say they love you,
but betray and stab you with a million knives in the most unthinkable way.

haha.

it's so funny how they can act so fucking well without any form of training!
ah...such wonderful talent... :)

you deserve a standing ovation.
*claps* :)

i wouldn't even call you a bitch. that word is way too nice to be used on you.

UPDATE!!!

ok not a real update actually... just saying that i have absolutely no time to update this shyt.

hopefully things aill change after i get a laptop. :D which is soon (i hope)

CIAO!!

gangs + weapons + me

midnight.

imagine being stuck in the middle of THIS:

alright it wasn't as brutal as that la (couldn't find a better picture hahaha), but still, it was scary.


people wearing helmets, screaming and shouting in a language i hardly understood, carrying hockey sticks and weapons.


i was like wth???!!!


like helloooooo, why here?!!




okay so i was in the car (not mine, the company's car), just coming home from work. i've got absolutely nothing to do with them, why must they bother me?! or my driver?!

morons.



blocking our way, stopping the car, banging on the windows, and one of them bloody OPENED THE PASSENGER DOOR!!!




wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf



was he trying to get in?!!! WHAT'S THEIR FREAKIN PROBLEM??!!!




well fortunately the driver sped off in time la (yea, with the door opened, like some sort of action movie)


but seriously, where could he drive to la? we had to go back there, coz that's where he's supposed to drop me.


yea so in the end he had to park his car at a corner, make sure that no one's near at that time, then i had to run all the way to my house. yes, RUN.

-__-


sick.







you know that feeling when your heart beats so fast you feel like it's gonna pop out of your chest, and all kinds of horrible thoughts start flooding your mind, and you open your mouth to speak but nothing comes out, and you can't stop your body from shaking so terribly, and tears just fill your eyes but you can't cry. yea..



haiz.

-

as imperfect as it was,



it was REAL.



it was fucking REAL.





SO FUCKING REAL.

*shrugs*

lotsa things un-said and un-done.



lotsa plans that were never carried out.



lots that had always been there but never actually seen.



*shrugs*

byebye work :)

I QUIT!!!

how often do you get to say that? hahahaha! :)


now how on earth do you write a resignation letter?

hahaha what an unusual feeling, thinking about this letter.

(okay i probably sound crazy, but seriously, it does feel unusual!)

anywayz, i'm saying goodbye to Citibank. work has been crazy lately and every day i have to drag my feet to work.

i used to love work. at least it kept me occupied. and it's nice being around a whole bunch of fun people rather than sitting alone at home. but after they (kononnya) downsized our department, it's just crazy. with people from every corner wanting a piece of you.

i shall not get into the details.

whatever. i'm happy to be leaving.

BUT what the hell am i supposed to do for the next 2 months??? o_O

never got a chance to go for a real holiday with friends.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

just wanna go somewhere.

...

it isn't easy putting yourself out there only to get bruised over and over again.




but i'm still doing it.




for one reason.

why am i not running away from what i've always feared?

kepala-heavy

i've been flooding my brain with too much medical related info.

cannot tahan.

there's so much info sumbat-ed into my head, but i still feel unprepared!!!

HELP.

i'm gonna be grilled.

ergh. :(

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

my bro kept walking around the house singing enrique's "do you know". the whole day.

just this ONE line from the song.

"do you know what it feels like loving someone who's in a rush to throw you away"

........................

now it's stuck in my head.

........................

how appropriate.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

my butt hurts. and my leg. gone.

singapore, here i come. again.

stupid cement

what an eventful morning.


woke up (for the 4th time actually) still feeling sleepless (as always), dragged my butt to the bathroom, and yadayadayada...


went downstairs for breakfast. i just stuffed a spoonful of bihun into my mouth when i was asked to carry some stupid cement outside. yes, cement. don't ask me why, it's been there for quite some time already. nobody else could do it (and for some reason they think i'm superwoman) so i went.




it was like over 30 fucking kilogrammes la!!!


BLOODY HEAVY!




please be reminded that i was still groggy and wasn't even halfway done with breakfast, hence the incredible energy level.



i managed to carry the stupid cement till about 2 metres away, then TADAAAAA!!
i slipped. -__-"

(the floor was wet la)



the best part:
the whole freaking 30 kilogrammes landed gracefully on my left leg!!!



so teruk man. had to wait for people to remove the stupid cement before i could even move.

STUPID CEMENT.



my butt doesn't hurt THAT bad la. cushion-y ma. but my leg, aiyooooooooooooooooooooooooo. can't even move it without feeling the pain.


second best part:
i have exams and interviews tomorrow morning!!! (yes, the BIG day)


supposed to go to singapore today. but now so cacat. and tomorrow i'm supposed to walk around (bus station, mrt station, nus, blablabla) in heels and skirt with a limp. -__-"

sigh sigh sigh.

stupid cement!

...

i'm tired.

physically. and mentally. and emotionally.

i'm just so tired.

ABC

(i just came back to malaysia! will talk about the interview in another post)

i saw this in a bookstore. me likes this.

• Absolutely adore each other
• Be best of friends
• Compromise
• Discover new things
• Encourage each other
• Forgive and forget
• Gaze into each other's eyes
• Hold hands and hug a lot
• Inspire and intrigue each other
• Joke and laugh and have fun
• Kiss kiss kiss
• Love with all your heart
• Marvel at each other's talent
• Nurture each other's soul
• Overcome problems together
• Play games
• Quiet each other's fears
• Remember the little things
• Say "I love you" everyday
• Take time for tenderness
• Understand and care deeply
• Value everything you share
• Wish on stars together
• Xpress your true feelings
• Yearn for each other's touch
• Zzzzz in each other's arms

*tears* :'(

lovely.

aaaaaaaahhh!

SINGAPORE, HERE I COME!!!

okay i'm off to singapore in a few minutes.

wish me luck!!! :)

i'm nervous as hell. gosh.

yam-i-see

here's one of the 'things' i got from yam-i-see (malaysian indian congress?) :

it's a nice 'statue' but i have no idea who he is!

when the timbalan *something* MIC gave me the 'statue' he went like "do you know who he is?"

and i was like " :D "

*slaps forehead*

dah la the thing was so bloody heavy, and i had so many things to hold! and he expected me to start cracking my head to answer his question??? alamak...

i didn't learn bout him in school pun! :P

anywayz, here's a close up :

anyone knows who this is?

help me please. so memalukan. hahahahaha.

ps: thanks yam-i-see!

THICK-SKINNED-ED!

guess what i did the whole day yesterday

*wiggles eyebrows*

SINGING!!!

that's right.

i'm still surprised with myself ahahahaha!

to those of you who don't know... i don't sing. dance, yes...but singing, nooo way!

(except for times when i'm home alone, or syok sendiri in my room... but that doesn't count)

i don't know why i'm super extra 'malu' when it comes to singing. it's almost like making me strip to my undies!

(okay i'm exaggerating, but oh well...you know what i mean)

so yea, spending over 8 hours (yes, EIGHT) just sitting in that freezing-cold room just singing and singing and singing till my throat hurt is something new for me.

*clap clap*

i'm now officially thick-skinned-ED!!!