answered prayers

things were tough. i hoped and prayed for circumstances to change.


surprisingly, circumstances did change eventually. almost the way i wanted.


but what's the point now? when someone decided to murder everything.


the extremely rare times when prayers get answered, my answered prayers are wasted.



maybe it's bad timing, i don't know.

questions

should i have taken the offer from the National University of Singapore instead?

would it have turned out better if i were to be in Singapore instead of Kelantan?

should i be regretting coming here?

is this how it's supposed to be, or is it a mistake?

...

aku yang lemah tanpamu
aku yang rentan karena
cinta yang telah hilang darimu
yang mampu menyanjungku

selama mata terbuka
sampai jantung tak berdetak
selama itu pun aku mampu untuk mengenangmu

darimu, kutemukan hidupku
bagiku, kau lah cinta sejati




[part of 'Kenangan Terindah' by Samsons]

don't ask. it's one of those days.
:-S

i love you?

been reading, at last. =)

not coz i've more free time now, just feel like throwing everything else aside and indulging in a book. so i did. =)



















i've only read less than half of it and daaaaamn, this book is scarily relatable. not like i have a dead husband or anything (choi...), but for some strange reason i could just relate to it... shed a few tears...



(no, i do not normally cry that easily. the only book that made me sob my eyes out was A Walk To Remember. now THAT was terribly freakily extremely so very relatable. hit waaaay too close to home.)




anywayz, i don't know how the later part would turn out. less tears i suppose. haha.







ps: i love you ??...

=)

=)

i didn't fail my first exam.

=) =) =)

i know it's no big deal coz my results weren't anywhere near awesome.

but honestly, i was prepared to get a big FFFFFAT F considering how UNprepared i was for the exams, plus the fact that i came from a physics background...

but i didn't. =)

and comparing my results with the others who spent 5 times more hours studying, sleeping 2 hours a day for a whole month, who seemed like they were aiming for 100%... it wasn't that huge of a difference. tahahahahahaha. =)

maybe i'll survive medic after all.

=) =) =) weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

flew back and turned insomniac

tossing and turning on my bed for over an hour.

mosquitoes attacking me.

i don't miss this bed.

i can't sleep.

>>> ONE (=P)

for the first time in six years, i flew.

for the first time in twenty years, i flew alone.

hahaha.

gorgeous eh?

not the best i've seen, but this is the one i took. hehe.

(these strangely beautiful flying machines, i could just stare at them for hours, fascinated.)

so i was in LCCT (still don't know what it stands for), for the first time. it was crazy. the people there... they were like, well, ANTS!!! see i've been to a coupla airports before, they never were that packed! gosh.

+ being there for the first time

+ not knowing what to do or where to go

+ being kinda late

+ my empty stomach

+ nerves (flying alone for the first time ma)

+ ants rushing from every corner

+ wanting to shit (seriously)

= me feeling ever so terribly lost (NOT good)

anywayz, my luggage exceeded the weight limit by 4kg. which means i was supposed to pay and extra RM40. cracking my head wondering what i'm supposed to remove. end up just taking out my book (yes, ONE book), and ready to pay for the rest of the extra weight, coz i couldn't take anything else out. but when i went back, tadaaaa, it was below 15kg!!!

what i'm trying to say is, i didn't know my book was THAT heavy! LOL. no wonder i feel myself getting shorter and shorter each time i carry my books to class. thanks to you, Keith Moore.

here's our 'favourite' book:

but aaaaaanyways, i found my way la. on time. plus, the flight was delayed.

what i hated :
THE SEATS!!! so sempit!!! and it was like 90 degrees!!! yes the seats were adjustable, but still... i think a bus would've been more comfortable than that airbus. sigh.

THE ENGLISH!!! seriously la, it was terrible. I felt embarrassed. they really need to do something bout that.

what i loved :

FLYING!!! always loved it ever since i was a lil girl, almost forgot what it feels like. =) =) =)

CLOUDS!!! the whole view from up there was simply beautiful la. =)

my smile disappeared when they announced that we were about to land though.

i didn't wanna land.

i don't miss this place.

>>> TWO (=P =P)

guess what, i started jogging!!! (first time today, and let's pray i don't stop haha.)

never thought i would. i've never been a running kinda person. sit ups, push ups, squats, whatever, i'd probably survive. but when it comes to running, i'd be dead within the first 5 minutes.

as expected, today was an absolute embarrassment. my chest was hurting like hell! i thought i was gonna die! seriously, that was the only thought i had the whole time.

(it's my first day, be nice, forgive me.)

that was till i finished the whole round. after that it was time for sit ups and all. and it felt goooood. =)

time: 0301 hours

haiz...i'm still not sleepy.

home

home isn't home.

supposed to feel good. comfortable. warm and nice. safe. well basically everything good.

i'm home. but home brings back too many memories. home brings back the pain i want to ignore. home makes me feel the sting even more. home is complete, yet feels incomplete. home brings back rows of tears. home brings back the feelings i thought i could supress.

i don't know if i like being home. i don't know anymore.








being there in kb doesn't help either.

God has weird plans for me.

...

what i need in my life right now more than anything:



support.



moral support, emotional support, whatever. i need the support that i don't think i'm getting. the support that i used to have to get me through tough times.



family - miles away from me
bestfriends - away from me too
person i used to be able to turn to - acts like we're strangers
God - if only He could talk to me back
new friends - well it's just not the same




medic is tough shit. and i thought there's nothing worst than STPM. o_O

why am i here again?

what do you look for?

we know there some things we need and want in life.

we look for it. search everywhere we could.

but at times you just realize you don't even know exactly what you're looking for. you want to feel complete. you go around blindly groping in the dark hoping to miracalously find that thing you're looking for. maybe you wouldn't, but maybe you would.

but how do you know if you've found it? how do you know if you haven't? how do you know if it's something you missed? how do you know if it's something you had all along? how do you know if you weren't meant to find it at all?

sometimes you feel you've found it, and suddenly it's gone. and you start asking yourself if that's what you're looking for. maybe it wasn't. but perhaps it really was. perhaps.

if it feels right, shouldn't it be right? if it's right, shouldn't it be yours?

6 signs shanti is losing her mind:

1. i feel restless. i can't sit still. my mouth wouldn't stop mumbling.

2. i spent 3 hours staring at one page of notes and still couldn't understand a thing.

3. i've been hungry. like really hungry. the whole day. but i ate tonns of food. *glances at emtpy packets of biscuits*

4. i feel like going for a jog outside. it's 8:06pm by the way. *looks outside*

5. i've been ripping off my hair. *stares at hair in the dustbin*

6. i've been listening to the same cd countless times. more than 10 times i'm sure.







i hate exams i hate exams i hate exams i hate exams i hate exams i hate exams